I’ve been away for so long

I’m not certain why I abandoned this project nearly a year ago. Probably had to do with my teen aged psychopath of a daughter, and major depression that followed some of her serious behavior. I believe that 15 is the age that all children lose their ever loving minds. I believe this because my son is now 15, a complete idiot, and determined to engage in activities that will get him killed or get him time in juvenile detention. And it’s stupid crap, not stuff fun enough or bad enough to be worth the damn risk. I tried to prepare them for this. I tried to explain what was going to happen to their little brains during puberty.

“When you enter puberty your hormones are going to go crazy and your frontal lobe is going to barely function at all. The frontal lobe is where logical/rational thought processes take place, yours will become retarded for a while. This is why teenagers are too stupid to date.”

“Are you saying we are stupid? Mom, I can’t believe you. We aren’t retarded.”

“It isn’t your fault, all teenagers go through this. You are going to think I am a complete moron; you will be full of emotion; an you will be mad about everything…or in love…or full of contempt…but whatever it is it will be strong, and without good reason and it will consume you and this is why teenagers are too stupid to date. It’s ok, you should grow out of it and it doesn’t mean that you are any less. It’s part of being a teenager.”

“Oh my God, Mom, why do you talk to us like this?”

“Because I want you to know why you hate me when it’s time and I want to be able to look at you and say, Do you remember when I said you would be retarded for a while? This is what I meant!”

I really thought this conversation would help.

I was wrong.

For anyone about to get mad that I used the “R” word, I have a severely mentally disabled child and this is an appropriate use of a medical term.


how can i explain commas to god

I am currently under the impression that God doesn’t understand the comma. When I asked God for someone to sleep next to me at night, help around the house, love me, make love to me, be my partner etc He interpreted that as: Someone to sleep next to me at night. Someone to help around the house. Someone to love me. Someone to make love to me. Someone to be my partner. He seems to have missed that I wanted this all in one person, not individual qualities in a series of people. I still trying to figure out how to convey all of this to the big guy…I’m a bit concerned that he just has a twisted sense of humor. He did give me someone to sleep net to.

I realized this last night as my youngest child once again had their knees, elbow, head planted firmly in my kidneys throughout the night. At one point I woke up and I had been forced over t the point that we were sideways in the bed. As I lay there I was trying to go back to sleep and rationalize NOT pushing the child, oops, onto the floor. I decide to see if I gained anything from this situation.

I’m warmer. The kid is a little furnace. I am always an ice-cube. I totally take advantage of my child’s ability to keep me a few degrees warmer. This child is also not a good sleeper. I benefit by this kid sleeping through the night. Further explanation here is warranted. My youngest child is disabled. This child has autism and is nonverbal. When I say this helps them sleep through the night I really mean I don’t have to clean up as many messes in the morning and I don’t have to worry about this child escaping the house and trotting down the middle of the highway in the middle of the night as much. I don’t have to worry about this kid “feeding” the animals in our home in the middle of the night…I really do benefit a great deal.

However, when I actually try to get up in the morning my kidneys are so sore it’s not a fair trade.